Thursday, October 27, 2011

Post "trip of a lifetime" melancholy

So, where to now??????

It has been a few days since I have posted on here as I have been dealing with rejoining the "real world" and I have to be honest that I am struggling a little bit.

Back to real life .. And work ....

Of course it has been lovely catching up with my family and friends, however, looking around my city, going in to my office and lots of little things have made me feel somewhat confused and a little down about what happens next.

Obviously, with a trip comes cost and as much as I would like to pretend I could retire now, the reality is I can't. What I have found even more interesting is the fact that I seem to be seeing so many things with different eyes as when I left. Things that seemed so vitally important to me before, just seem unimportant now.

Firstly, coming from such a large city back to Auckland everywhere and everything is just so quiet. There is just not the hustle bustle. This is both good and bad.

Secondly, I have noticed how rough round the edges kiwi blokes are. There is not the same openess and kindness and I so worry about Yammie feeling safe here. We have already been yelled at once and we were simply walking down the street. The immaturity of the rugby hooligans who celebrated the rugby world cup and were screaming down the streets just put me right off, and I know made Yammie feel a bit scared.

I really really miss the people in Thailand.

This morning someone complained about the fact that I had a couple of things sitting in my basement carpark and that it looked messy. This simply enraged me as all i could think of is all those people's lives in Thailand whose livelihoods have been ruined with the flooding, and people working their butts off simply to be able to eat, and I thought to myself, how fucking pathetic. (excuse my language)

I went in to my office yesterday and the thought of going back to work just leaves me feeling sluggish. The other thing that I have been struck with is a sense of guilt - I started pulling things out of my storage and I thought to myself ... There are people in the world with nothing and here I am with all this "stuff" ... I don't need 10 towels and everything else that I have collected over the years.

Alongside this I have Yammie with me which is the one thing that I am happy about. In saying that I am constantly worried that he is okay and that I am keeping him busy, and the fact that life is just so different here. Technology is great though and he is able to talk with his family and communicate with his friends which make me feel better. My family have also embraced him as have my close friends and I am so very grateful to them all for this. I have also introduced him to a couple of people and I am hopeful that they can build friendships so he can create an extra support network. Of course we both have some feelings of separation anxiety I reckon as we have basically spent 24 hours 7 days a week together for the last four months and as I get busier there will be times when we he cannot come with me, so a job and friends are so very important.

....written a little later .... I did some googling and apparently these feelings I am having are quite normal and there are a few things I can do about it ... So here's my list of ways to combat the melancholy ..

1. A few people have suggested that I could write a book about my travels ... I kind of like this idea so I'm going to spend a bit of time pulling all these experiences together into a semi coherent way ... Check back in a couple of years. :)
2. We have yammies work visa to sort out, so we need to begin this process.
3. I will plan a few "mini trips" for Yammie and me over the next three months.
4. I need something big to look forward to (and to work toward) so I will sit down and look at where we want to be in One to two years and work towards it, then it gives me a reason to put my head down and bum up to make some serious money so we can do it.
5. I will make an active effort to reconnect with old friends and have people over more - we are already doing this and I am really enjoying hosting at home rather than out at restaurants all the time.

Hopefully, these should all help kick start the next part of my life journey.

So, onwards and upwards... :)

Thanks for taking time out of your day to follow my blog. Cheers, Nick.


Gary France said...

I know what you mean about getting back to normal after a long trip. I struggled with that after being away for 4.5 months and what did I do about it? I did the first option on your list and started writing a book about my trip. I am half wat through that book now and hope to finish it in the spring, less than 18 months after getting back. I found writing about my trip eased me back into reality, while letting me re-live my experiences. Good luck!

SonjaM said...

I have felt the same, when returning home. Not as strong though because I have never been away from home more than 6 weeks but I understand the weirdness of settling into normal live again. With what you have seen and experienced on your travels the effect must be multiplying. Your combat plan to attack post vacation depression sounds good. Keep it up, and go out for a ride with Yammie. It's summer at your place, and there is so much out there to show him.

Bike Insurance said...

I've tried that once, and I agree. I did have a hard time to adjust when I got home, it will be more helpful if you take normally as it should be.

Unknown said...

I'm living it right now. I live in germany, and will for another 10 months. I haven't been to "work" in a long time. It's strange. I write, though, a whoooole lot, and that gets all the thoughts together and cleans up inside (sort of, it's strange)

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